A virtuous wife is a crown to her husband but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
This verse has been brought to my attention many times throughout recent weeks. To me it was the picture of a woman showing no discretion, modesty or restraint. While these are prime examples of a woman who would shame her husband publicly, the thought didn't occur to me that there is another shame that is rottenness to the bones of many afflicted husbands.
Ladies, has there been a time when you bundled up your hurts, your unmet expectations, your "violated rights" then presented this to your husband? I am here to say that such a gesture is another prime example of bringing rottenness to your husband's bones. Ponder for a moment what you expected your mate to feel when you presented these "violations" to him. Remorse? Guilt? Shame? Ashamed. She that maketh ashamed is as rottenness to his bones. As I read this verse again it reminds me that God's Word is living and active. I greatly lament the occasions where I can be rightly accused of bringing rottenness to the bones of my beloved.
I long to bring my husband honor. If you know him, you are fully aware that he is one who is worthy. If you too pose the question, "How can I be a crown to my husband?" I urge you to attempt these 6 steps:
1. Be his help meet. Genesis 2:18 says it is not good that man is alone so the Lord created woman to be his help meet. What does a help meet look like? She cheerfully looks for ways to meet her husband's needs. She selflessly helps. She loves, serves, and encourages.
2. Don't make him ashamed. Do not tell him how imperfect he is. Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. I want to be life to those around me! If he is displaying an undesirable quality, understand this: you also display undesirable qualities. What would be the result of your husband gathering up all of your flaws and presenting them to you with the expectation of you "fixing" them and moving on? Would you be inspired to change? You would be hurt, embarrassed, ashamed, and discouraged. When you find yourself being critical, stop immediately. Ask the Lord to help you work through this. Ask God to bring to your mind qualities you love about your mate and thank God for the husband he has given you.
Plan ahead. You will not be able to muster up many positive attributes in the midst of your bickering. You must create this list beforehand. When your husband displays a quality you admire, write it down and include what he did to display that quality (i.e. kindness: he helped our widowed neighbor by fixing her plumbing). Think on good things. Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
3. Do tell the Lord. When there is an issue festering inside your soul, take it to the Lord, not your husband. Pray that the issue be resolved without conflict and without any of that fun little thing called nagging. I assure you, God is fully capable of working it out without your help. Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Psalm 138:3 In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.
The Lord will give you the strength to endure.
4. Be Still. Know God is able. He is able to work all things for the good of those who love Him. He can take your concern and turn it into something beautiful. How much more beautiful would it be if it were just between you and God? Would your faith be increased? Would you come to know the Lord as your Provider? Would you love Him? Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. He will strengthen you to be the wife perfectly suited for your husband. Again, plan ahead. Know these times are inevitable and carefully calculate your actions and responses in advance. Consider 1 Peter 3:1-4 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Be quiet and bring your husband honor. If you were on the receiving end of loving service how would you respond to the servant, especially a joyful servant who encouraged you?
5. Forgive. Colossians 3:12-18 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
What can you glean from this passage? To forgive requires humility. You are laying down your pride. The forgiver must be longsuffering. The forgiver puts on charity (love). The forgiver will have peace.
Corrie Ten Boom endured great tribulation from the Nazis during the Holocaust yet listen to what she says about forgiveness. "Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you." Forgiveness is a freeing choice.
Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
6. Love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says this about love: Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
Love: passionately, selflessly, wholly, joyfully, cheerfully, and unconditionally. Impossible? For us, yes. But with God all things are possible. Through Him you can love if you choose to love. When you have a grievance toward your husband- love. Do not get puffed up with pride. Do not seek your own good but seek his good. Do not let yourself be easily provoked. Be lighthearted. Laugh it off! Remember to think on the good not the evil. According to 1 Peter 4:8 let us love deeply because love covers a multitude of sins.
I must add that I understand there are times when it is necessary to speak to your husband concerning certain issues. I am not admonishing you to never go to your husband with concerns. I am simply stating that you should not discourage him with every negative thought that enters your mind. You should not try to mold your husband into who you think he should be. I also understand that sometimes it is necessary to seek wise counsel and share with another. Galatians 6:2 says we are to bear one another's burdens. If you are struggling and feel you must share your load, pray God will show you one true confidant - a godly woman you can trust to pray with you. As wonderful as she may be, this person should not be your mother. ;) Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. Do not dishonor your husband when sharing with this woman. Always honor. Always build him up. Remember Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Shall we give it a go? Let's try for the next 30 days to encourage rather than discourage. Let me know how it goes...
Grace and peace,